How Nice Guys can be more mysterious

Stop giving away your mystery due to neediness.

When it comes to women, Nice Guys are terrified of emotional ambiguity.

If a woman is unclear in her feelings, somewhat non-responsive—or distant—it throws the Nice Guy into an emotional tailspin.

This is where the dynamic gets flipped from what nature intended.

Men are the ones who are supposed to be restrained and hard-to-read— revealing themselves slowly, while maintaining an air of detachment in the early stages.

Women adore this. It’s part of building emotional tension and unwrapping a man’s essence. They want this to happen slowly— and want to have to work at it. Studies have shown that women are more attracted to men when their feelings for her are unclear.

For a grounded man, this isn’t difficult. He has his own identity outside of winning a woman’s approval—he’s self assured, he doesn’t feel the need to spill his guts to a relative stranger. The opposite applies for the Nice Guy.

The Nice Guy’s identity is built around pleasing others and ensuring that they aren’t displeased with him.

A lot of this comes from childhood trauma or conditioning, where his happiness is derived from making female authority figures happy.

Silence and lack of clarity around someone else’s feelings—especially from women— is terrifying for the Nice Guy. In response, he desperately needs to fill the space with more talking, more feelings, more effort, more, more, more.

It is simply his way of anxiously trying to manage emotional discomfort. He’s not right with himself, therefore his validity as a person is derived from other people. When this comes into question, he’ll do anything to get clarity, and win favor. He does this with more needy, anxious effort—more emotional vomiting, more texting, more immediate responsiveness, more compliments, gifts, etc.

As we know, this has the opposite effect of what is intended. She’s revolted by his neediness and pulls back, or removes herself completely.

To be more mysterious, all you need is to exhibit a little more restraint. It’s really not that deep.

The modern man has been conditioned to give away his mystery and power in the early stages. We’re told that women adore vulnerability in men.

We react in kind by projecting our romantic hopes onto strangers, by spilling emotions unnecessarily and confessing our traumas in hope of sympathy. However, this nothing more than Covert Contract-laden sympathy fishing.

These steps are common sense and serve as simple reminders.

1. Shut the fuck up and listen more. Nice Guys a terrified of silence. They fill up the space with meaningless chatter, or turn dates into interviews. Get comfortable with silence, and actually listen to what they’re saying, instead of plotting how to keep the conversation going.

2. Don’t be as reactive to what she says. You don’t have to laugh at every joke, or agree with everything she says. Nice Guys are afraid to be less reactive in fear of appearing like a jerk. If something she says doesn’t elicit a strong reaction, no reason to pretend.

3. Don’t divulge all aspects of your history and personality immediately. Guys will tell a woman all of the major events of their life, and their full emotions on the first date. This is insanity. Vulnerability has to be earned slowly over time.

4. Be more succinct and less expressive with your messaging. There’s no need to send paragraphs of text, rife with exclamation marks, spilling of feelings, and emojis. It’s not necessary.

5. Stop being so damn available. Being evasive on purpose for a reaction is dumb. However, where men make a mistake is that they forget about their lives, obligations, career, and purpose whenever they meet a woman. It’s ok to be busy, she’ll respect you for it. Don’t drop your life for a woman.

6. Show, don’t tell. Women are action oriented. If you have feelings for a woman, don’t barrage her with compliments, expressions of feelings, or promises. Do something thoughtful based on a passing comment she made. Lead and handle planning/logistics on dates. This will leave a far greater impact, without giving away your mystery.