Subtle touch, flirting, teasing, and eye contact - the basics of escalation

Lack of escalation is why you’re not getting laid.

Sometimes a date will go really well—the conversation flows, you both laugh, you have fun—however, the next day you get the “You’re a great guy, but..” text. This can be utterly confusing. I’ve been there.

Having fun and making her laugh is not enough. Making her laugh is only one component of attraction. Some guys make the mistake of believing being funny is the primary component.

She not only wants have fun, but feel an emotional spark. This can’t be done alone by making her laugh, or going to interesting places. There are several components to laying the foundation of engaging her emotions.

- Subtle, playful, incremental touch. A light hug when meeting her, playfully touching her arm while laughing. This component is crucial. However, it has to make sense in the context of your interaction, or it will come off as being creepy. Touching her hands within the first several minutes of sitting down is an example.

Once some comfort has been established, do a playful ‘princess style’ hand hold. Lightly place your hands under hers. I think it’s best to just go for it, but if you’re uncomfortable, ask her if a piece of jewelry she’s wearing has any meaning, or compliment her on her nails or jewelry.

Touch of the hands is POWERFUL when it comes to sparking emotion.

If you’re walking, leading by putting your hand on her back lightly if you’re crossing a road or walking to different area shows leadership and has a protective quality at the same time.

- Teasing and flirting. There is a difference between teasing and negging. A neg usually involves a backhanded compliment about her appearance that is meant to make her self conscious. It’s subtle mental manipulation and is unethical. When you tease, you’re both in on the joke. Think of the way you tease someone when you’re in a relationship. When you like someone, it’s a natural behavior to lightly make fun of each other and have fun.

Use that same type of energy. If she makes a joke that doesn’t stick, or says something dorky, look away jokingly as if you’re frightened, or for split second act like you’re getting out of your seat to leave. Teasing and flirting go hand in hand. You want to convey subtle sexual energy, though the way you look at her while you’re laughing and teasing. Use restraint; you don’t want to constantly be teasing one another. Ask her open ended questions as well.

- Eye contact. In studies, participants (who were strangers) that were placed in a room and stared into each other’s eyes reported feeling increased feelings of affection after prolonged eye contact. The importance of eye contact can’t be overstated. You don’t want to glare, but you should be maintaining steady eye contact throughout 90% of your conversation, looking away periodically so things don’t appear unnatural. While she’s talking look at her eyes, and then briefly look at her lips, and then back to her eyes. This conveys desire, while helping break the eye contact so it doesn’t turn into staring.

- Additional factors. The more she can relax, feel safe and comfortable around you, the better:

• Demonstrate competence and leadership by handling the date logistics (where, when, etc.)

• Be a good listener. Stay present, retain what she says, don’t focus on trying to impress her

• Be relaxed, don’t be stiff and nervous. If she can sense that you’re intimidated, she’ll feel less secure around you. Have fun and relax, you’ll be the most attractive version of yourself.

• The objective is to continue the date back at your place of hers. Don’t be ashamed of wanting to be sexual. Sex should be an objective of your dates if you don’t want to be just a platonic friend. Make sure your place is clean and conducive to making her feel relaxed. Pick date locations that aren’t too out of the way to your place.