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Human Ecologist's avatar

Great post - so much in common here with typical codependency patterns (also layers of covert contracts) that are manipulation disguised as selfless helping/accommodating. This is why when someone is first tackling codependency its typically not a great idea to start a new relationship but practice authentic connections in less intense ways first. Don't treat a potential partner how you wouldn't treat a friend. The most impressive people never prioritize their impressions.

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Garry's avatar

It is challenging to learn of this concept for the first time!!

I can more easily see when others are doing it to me.

I am humbled by my own use of these covert contracts. Its a bit overwhelming 🤣🤔

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theben's avatar

I like your addition to Glover's concepts. When I read that book, realizing how many covert contracts I was living was sickening.

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Michael Owen's avatar

Likewise, brother.

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PostPlandemicChronicles's avatar

Good thorough explanation Michael. The book No More Mr. Nice Guy is solid and a favorite of mine now.

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Michael Owen's avatar

Thank you. Agreed— I think it’s a must read for young guys.

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Nyesh's avatar

Well you can freeze her out as a strategy and see if she wants to continue, that's completely valid. What makes it a covert contract is sperging out when she doesn't.

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Garry's avatar

Do you refer to the concept of "fitness tests" for your relationships??

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Nyesh's avatar

Did you read the part of the article pertaining to freeze outs as a strategy?

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Garry's avatar

Yes I guess the freeze-out is one of many tactics which could fall under "fitness tests" which both genders do intentionally or unconsciously. (?)

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Nyesh's avatar

Nah mate, you should read up on the sidebar material, beginning with No More Mr. Nice Guy. If you want all of them in audio form go to Rian Stones channel and look them up. All the names of the books are onnthe sidebar of either the TheRedPill subredditbor the marriedredpill subreddit.

Men don't shit test, women do. The nearest men equivalent is qualifying a woman, where you make her explain herself or challenge her beliefs. A freeze out is cutting contact for a period of time to show disapproval. Either you re-initiate after this period of time or, as I've described in the first comment, use it to test whether she is invested enough in the situation to text you back first.

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